What fills you up? At what point are you content with what is before you, no longer hungry? When is enough…enough?
I was considering my insatiable quest for knowledge, the pursuit of a PhD, and my desire for the family of my dreams. I know it’s a lot, but I want to be Super Sister – a la Clair Huxtable bad. I want to maintain a good relationship with my husband and kids, write books, practice psychology, own a business, enjoy my loved ones, serve the community, and thank God. And although it is impossible to get, I want it now, because that is when I think I will be full. But if life is anything like eating (one of my favorite things to do), then will I be able to tell that I am full?
This life I want is like a delicious meal, with every bit seeming as appetizing as the next. It’s Thanksgiving. I want the macaroni and cheese, the ham, the greens, the yams, the cornbread, the stuffing with cranberry sauce, the sweet potato pie, and the punch. I put it all into my plate, a vision of what I want to eat, and then I eat faster than everybody…I always have. But somewhere past halfway, before completion I don’t realize that I am stuffing more in than I can handle. My stomach hasn’t sent the signal to my mind that I am full. I shouldn’t eat it all, but I do because I want it and I don’t know that I’ve gone beyond my threshold. Even if my body and mind were in sync…how do you decide between yams and mac and cheese? You don’t…it’s about portion control.
If I were to put everything on my plate that I want, with a little less of each, I could eat everything I like and be full…content, but not stuffed. If I were to put everything into perspective, I would understand that I can have it all, but maybe not to the level I originally thought. I don’t want to choose between romantic, marital bliss and professional success, but I may have to redefine what those things mean if I want to keep both of them. For me, a part of that is realizing that I don’t have to do it all before 35. There are people in the world who can work that, and I admire it greatly, but if I put a book out at 45 instead, it doesn’t make a big difference.
